Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
