Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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