Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
