can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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