i permit you to call me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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