My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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