well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
