addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
