Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
