Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
