he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
