After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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