You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
