1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
