I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i now understand why vodka
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
