Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
