wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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