I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
