dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
