I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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