You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
