i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
