what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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