Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
