now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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