I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
