so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Come see our sink grown plant.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
