Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
