He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
