Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
