just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
