woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
