i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
