Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
