is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
