So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Bring me that man meat
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
