the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
