ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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