Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
