Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
