i just had sex bonerless
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
