Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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