with your own penis?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
