Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
