I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
