operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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