masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i think my cat just said my name.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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