she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
