Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
