I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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