Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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