Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
