If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
