i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
