There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
