Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
